Moms Are Not Okay: A Mental Health Wake-Up Call for Mom

By Jessica Spaman, LICSW

May is Mental Health Awareness Month— and with Mother’s Day around the corner, there’s no better time to talk about moms’ mental health and what moms really need.

Because here’s the truth: many moms are not okay, and they need a whole lot more than one day a year of guilt-free self-care and flowers.

Behind the social posts of smiling family photos and small talk, there’s a quiet epidemic of burnout and poor mental health in moms. As a therapist who specializes in supporting moms, I see and hear it every day from clients, friends, and moms in my community. They're stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, depressed, exhausted, lonely, and drowning in guilt.

We are carrying the invisible mental load: managing meals, school emails, doctor’s appointments, extracurriculars, the endless to-do lists, and a million invisible decisions each day. Add in a lack of structural support, unrealistic societal expectations and ideals, self-worth tied to productivity, people pleasing, perfectionism, mom guilt, and overstimulation—and it’s no wonder so many moms are struggling with anxiety, depression, and chronic nervous system dysregulation.

I hear moms say, “I’ve lost myself,” or “I don’t even know who I am outside of being a mom.”I hear, “I’m exhausted and don’t have time for self-care,” because they’re too busy taking care of everyone else.

Moms’ mental health matters, not just for moms, but for families and society. A mother's mental health plays a vital role in her child's development, behavior, and emotional well-being. Unfortunately, parents are suffering from record levels of parental burnout, anxiety, and depression.

When we prioritize our mental health, we not only feel better ourselves, but we also support our children’s healthy development and well-being while modeling what self-care looks like.

Five years ago, after more than a decade working as a child and adolescent therapist, I shifted my focus to supporting moms because I realized that the best way to help children is to support the people raising them.

Anxious parents often raise anxious kids. Moms who are drowning in overwhelm can’t be expected to model calm, connection, or confidence.

We need to rewrite the narrative around motherhood. One that moves us away from self-sacrifice, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and toward a healthier, more sustainable version of motherhood that honors our needs, too.

The good news is we don’t have to do this alone. Individually and collectively, we can create change. When one mom sets a boundary, says no to something that drains her, or chooses rest over hustle, she gives others permission to do the same.

It’s time to stop neglecting our mental health and start nurturing ourselves holistically. Because when we do, everyone benefits.

10 Holistic Ways to Support Your Mental Health as a Mom

1. Practice Self-Compassion

If there’s one thing that comes up in nearly every therapy and coaching session I have with moms, it’s this: we are far too hard on ourselves. Most of us speak to ourselves in ways we would never speak to a friend. Self-compassion means offering yourself the same kindness you so willingly give to others. Research shows that people who practice self-compassion have better mental health, are more resilient, and are more likely to reach their goals. It's the antidote to your inner critic and a powerful foundation for healing, growth, and sustainable change in both motherhood and life.

2. Get Outside Daily

Nature is a powerful healer. Fresh air and natural light help regulate your nervous system, reduce anxiety, and boost your mood. A 10-minute walk outside can help reset your mind and body. Make getting outside a non-negotiable part of your day.

3. Move Your Body

Movement is one of the most powerful (and underused) tools we have for supporting mental health. Just 10 minutes of mindful stretching, dancing in your kitchen, walking around the block, or doing a few yoga poses can start to reduce stress, lift your mood, and help regulate your nervous system. Let go of the toxic fitness culture that ties movement to punishment or weight loss. Instead, choose daily movement that brings you joy and feels good in your body.

4. Watch What You Consume

Our mood and energy are deeply impacted by what we put into our bodies. Fuel your body with nutrient-rich foods like leafy greens, colorful veggies, omega-3-rich fish, whole grains, fermented foods, and high-quality proteins that support brain function, reduce inflammation, and help regulate mood. Consider cutting back or eliminating alcohol and caffeine, both of which can contribute to anxiety, sleep issues, and emotional dysregulation, and don’t underestimate the power of hydration; drinking enough water is a simple yet impactful way to support your well-being.

5. Prioritize Sleep

Quality sleep is one of the most important foundations for mental health, yet it's often the first thing to go when you're stressed or navigating the demands of motherhood. Sleep deprivation affects everything from your mood and patience to your ability to cope with daily challenges and think clearly. A consistent, calming bedtime routine like dimming lights and unplugging from screens an hour before bed can help signal your body to wind down. In early motherhood, sleep can feel out of reach, but getting support from a partner, family, or hired help to allow for longer stretches of rest can make a big difference.

6. Seek Authentic Connection

Motherhood can feel incredibly lonely even when you’re rarely alone. Despite living in a time of constant digital connection, rates of loneliness have never been higher. It’s also common to withdraw when feeling anxious or depressed, but isolation tends to reinforce negative thoughts and feelings. Intentionally seeking out meaningful connection with friends, family, or other moms going through similar experiences can be a powerful antidote. You don’t need a big circle, just a safe space where you can be real.

7. Limit Social Media & the News

Social media and constant news exposure can take a real toll on your mental health. Whether it’s falling into the comparison trap, mindlessly scrolling to numb out, or feeling overwhelmed by distressing headlines, this kind of content often fuels anxiety, disconnection, and negative thinking. Set healthy boundaries, like avoiding screens for the first and last hour of your day, and be mindful of how much news you’re taking in. Swap screen time for activities that truly nourish you—like reading, listening to music, or connecting with a friend or loved one. And be intentional about your online space: unfollow accounts that drain you, and follow ones that uplift and support your well-being.

8. Ask for Help (and Truly Let Go of Some of the Load)

Just because you can do it all doesn’t mean you should. For many women, asking for help can be hard—but asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it’s an act of self-care. One of the biggest challenges moms face is carrying the invisible mental load. It’s not just about asking for help with tasks—it’s about fully offloading responsibilities, especially with your partner, and accepting that things may be done differently (and that’s okay). It also means involving your kids in age-appropriate chores, leaning on friends, and seeking support from a therapist or coach. Moms are constantly giving to others—creating regular space to receive support in a safe, nonjudgmental environment is one of the most powerful gifts you can give yourself.

9. Do Your Inner Work

You’re more than a caregiver. Your emotional needs, healing, and growth matter. Doing your inner work means exploring and tending to past wounds, unmet needs, and emotional patterns. When you commit to this process, your mental health improves, you break cycles, and you begin to show up as a calmer, more confident, and more connected parent.

10. Live in Alignment with Your Values

So many moms are exhausted not just from doing too much—but from doing things that don’t actually align with what matters most. Take time to reflect on your values. What do you care about? What kind of life do you want to live? Begin making small shifts that align your daily life with your deeper truth.

Bonus Tip: Practice Mindfulness

I couldn’t wrap this up without including one of the most impactful tools I’ve discovered on my motherhood journey—mindfulness. Incorporating mindfulness and meditation into my daily life has transformed my mental health and the way I show up as a mom and a human. It’s a practice every mom can benefit from.

Mindfulness can significantly improve your mental health. It helps reduce stress, anxiety, and emotional reactivity while increasing self-awareness, focus, and a sense of calm.

And no, it doesn’t have to look like meditating on a cushion in silence. Mindfulness can be woven into your daily life, like tuning into your senses on a walk, taking a few deep breaths before responding to your child, or fully focusing on the sound and feel of water as you wash the dishes. These small moments of awareness can help you slow down, feel more grounded, and respond rather than react, especially in the chaos of motherhood.

This Mother’s Day, I invite you to pause and ask yourself:

What do I need? What do I want?

What would it look like to prioritize my mental health without guilt?

What would it look like to mother myself, too?

You deserve the same care and compassion you give others.

Let’s build a motherhood culture that honors our well-being, together.

If you’re reading this and thinking, I know I need to make changes to better support my mental health, but I don’t know where to start—you’re not alone. You don’t and shouldn't have to figure it out by yourself. I strongly encourage you to seek professional support.

I offer both individual therapy and coaching for moms who are ready to prioritize their well-being, healing, and growth, and start living and mothering more intentionally and authentically. Whether you’re struggling with anxiety or depression, feeling overwhelmed and stuck, or want to create a healthier, more balanced lifestyle so you can show up as your best self, I’d be honored to support you.

Reach out for a free 15-minute consultation to see if it feels like a good fit. Let’s explore what it looks like to start taking care of you again and discover that motherhood is not just about caring for others, it’s also about learning to care for yourself.

Together, we can redefine motherhood in a way that supports your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.